Ladies: The Truth About Why You're Single

You will not get the man of your dreams until you stop being a nightmare.

Let’s face it, everything you think you know about men is wrong. If it were right, you’d be with someone awesome. But you’re not. You’re single and confused because you don’t know who wouldn’t want “all of this.”  Instead of citing the erroneous statistics of how many no-good Black men there are, let’s focus on you and what you’re doing all wrong. All the game playing and tantrums are outdated and out of style.  There are boys who enjoy the histrionics, but these aren’t the men you want to be with. 
To be the right lady for the right gentleman, there are really only a few things that are important.  These tips will help you in more ways than "man-trapping" so print and post on your fridge.

    Take care of home

    Housekeeping 

No man wants to keep his shoes on when he comes to your house because he’s scared of what he might step in or the critters that may run underfoot.  The laundry basket of dirty clothes, the juice stained carpet, the overflowing ashtrays, the layer of dust on the entertainment center, the bras and panties hanging all over the bathroom are all Man-Deterrents.  He also shouldn’t be greeted by your dirty pads, douche bottles, used razors and a sink full of Fashion Fair foundation.   Yuck times ten.
Cooking 

Your fridge and pantry should be well-stocked with a variety of fresh food and ingredients to make a full meal. You think he wants to eat out every night? That should be an occasional treat, not a regular occurrence because you’re too damn lazy to prepare a meal.   (If you need tips on how to make time to cook, check out this blog.) Some men will not eat from a woman they don’t know because they think a woman might “put something” in their food, or because they’re unsure of how she cooks and don’t want to endure the poker face and sour stomach. Let that be his choice to make, but rest assured if you keep a clean house and food smells good, he will come around.  

           Maintain Your Appearance

Hygiene

Men are not as particular about how a woman looks as they are about how clean she is. It is common knowledge with men that the "hot girls" are the ones with the worst hygiene and housekeeping skills.  They prefer a woman who bathes regularly, takes good care of her body and skin, and hair. 

Hair care is important. If you're a natural girl, don't use that as an excuse to forgo all hair care. Stop looking like you came out of the jungle, talking about you "back to Africa." They use combs and groom properly in Africa, y'know.  If you wear weaves, be sure they are clean. Well, as clean as weaves can be. Sewn in or glued in packs of other people's hair develop the yuck factor quickly. 

Nice and neat

A man notices a woman who irons her clothes, cleans her shoes, dry cleans her suits, wipes her handbags, etc. It is a turn off for a man to see a woman spray dirty clothes with perfume and iron dirt in the creases. If your skirt has a stain, get it out before wearing it. If there are tears, grab your sewing kit--which you should definitely own!--and repair it. If buttons are falling off, fix it. Stop being sloppy and slovenly. 

Slutitude 

No gentleman wants a tramp to walk beside.  That tight skirt and low-cut blouse got his attention initially, but if he cares about you at all, he doesn’t want his lady looking like she’s on the stroll.  Maybe your face is busted, so you load on the makeup and squeeze your overthick body into those jeans to compensate.  Please understand you're not a magician. Especially if you’re a scallywag for real and let dude beat, he’s gonna see the real you after you sweat off that makeup and peel off those yeast-infection inducing clothes.  Everything is in moderation, and a good man enjoys a woman who looks good without going overboard to make up for obvious self-esteem issues. 

Do you have anything else to offer, or is that fat ass on front street because your personality is missing a lot of appeal? You can nab a fish with sparkly lures, but they soon realize the bait is indigestible. He probably didn’t think you had any substance when you were shaking that sloppy ass all over town, but he might have been hopeful for more if the sex was good and he could tolerate your voice for a particular amount of time.

Have a Variety of Interests and Activities

Are men your only interest? Do you just go to work waiting for opportunities to call and check in on your intendeds? Do you sit around weekends waiting for an invitation for something little more than sex? Do you only gossip on the phone with your loser ass friends or watch VH1’s sick reality shows as your sole means of entertainment? Are your favorite websites MediaTakeOut, Bossip, and NecoleBitchie? Do you go to the club every weekend trying to land a man in the dark, poorly-lit space, plied with booze? These aren’t women that a man wants to take seriously.  Sure, he may stab it a few times, but he’ll never take you home to put on the mantle. You’re no trophy.  You’re just a desperate ass loser and he smells it on you like cheap perfume.

Open your mind up to a variety of options that will improve your life in many ways.  Meditate. Join a book club. Go to museum exhibits.  Go hard on starting and maintaining your business. Volunteer at your house of worship. Coordinate charity events. Take a cooking class. Make yourself useful to the world and you’ll be infinitely more useful and appreciated by a good gentleman.

Put Your Children First

If you already have children and you push them aside for Tom's dick and Harry's, you will be left with bitter children and a sore hole. A gentleman does NOT want a woman who will throw their children away at the first sign of a possible relationship. He will respect and appreciate a woman who is busy going to Alisha's gym meet and Brian's chess match.  If you cancel these events to grab a bite and a quick screw in a motel, you've already lost your chance with him. 

Don't introduce your children to every man you meet; make him know that there are limits and you won't do that until you're comfortable. He'll respect your boundaries and take you seriously. This is also best for your children. No little girl or boy should see Mom and the revolving door of men. Don't sacrifice their respect for some strange man who might not be worth anything to you. And if he's worth ANYTHING, he will be accepting of your space.

           Respect Him and Respect Yourself

How do you treat this gentleman? Are you warm and affectionate? Are you kind in your speech? Are your words supportive, inspiring, and encouraging without being pedantic, patronizing, and condescending? Are you always testing his manhood? Do you pick fights because it gets you hot to see him angry? Do you want him choking you outside of the bedroom...?  When a man can't get peace with his woman, he will seek it elsewhere. If he sees that from the jump, he's not sticking around for more. 
Is everything he says met with disagreement? When he makes suggestions for your life, do you say “You’re not my Daddy!” or “You can’t tell me what to do!”?  Do you call your other loser ass friends and say “Girl, he’s tryna control me!”  Let’s say your gentleman is interested in being serious about you and suggests you stop dressing like a prostitute. Do you think he’s jealous and controlling or do you take heed to his advice?  It is entirely possible he has started to respect you and wants others to do the same. And most importantly, he wants you to respect yourself. Only garbage men take out the trash; be the nice lady that a man will pick flowers for.
If you respect him and his influence in your life, you will be more open to accepting his recommendations and suggestions.  When you think he's useless, he recognizes that you feel that way and makes you of little value as well.  Don't waste his time or yours pretending you respect him. If he actually cares about you, you could damage a good man that quality women could have taken better care of.

If you want Mr. Right, you have to be Ms. Right first.

Overall, if you want to run around and sleep with random men until you’re ready to settle down with the man of your dreams, do you. And them. And their friends. Or whatever it is that you like to do, you ol’ freak. But if you’re crying nightly about why you don’t have a nice gentleman to call your own, start working on yourself and he will come. And get off the internet. Meet people out and about at places that don’t involve loud music and alcohol.  Above all, be friendly and approachable.  If you can't knock the chip off your shoulder, at least sand it down a little. Stop being so angry and defensive. Be armed with the right tools and you'll be worth every second of your suitor's time. 


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