The hairy situation

  Hairy situation by momowilly 

The uber-talented Stacey Muhammad recently posted a link to an article about the horrors of natural hair and a spirited conversation ensued.  It made me think.  Because I think a lot.

I'm not a "hair" girl.  Some women love to do their hair every morning, love to try a new style, take pleasure in getting it done, ray-ray-ray.  I'm not that one.  I love clothes and makeup.  I've always had more fun with that than hair, shoes, purses, or jewelry.  I love hats, though.  I have a great collection.  Probably because I'm not a hair girl.  When I was in school, the messier my hair was, the better.  I always felt that was a great reflection of my personality.  Plus I'm hair-lazy.  Yes. Hair-lazy.  I don't have enough upper-arm strength to deal with it all the time.




I used to rebel against my hair quite a bit as a youth.  I cut my own bangs in sixth grade and basically tore out the middle of my head.  I had a perm from 12 years old to 19.  Then again from 21 to 23.  None since then.  I kept a Caesar (RIP) for three years, then bleached it and did some fun dumb stuff for a minute (Blues Clues) and then shaved it all off to grow it to its present state, rocking a lotta wigs during the "ugly" stage.


 So now I have a full head of beautiful, virgin, natural hair that is absolutely adorable...and an absolute chore to take care of.

I could wax poetic about how it's so beautiful to maintain a natural crown in its Godly state.  I could opine that my hair is exactly as nature intended, that I'm more glorious than ever because of it.  I could sing the praises of my tresses, my 9-ether strands spiraling towards the heavens, connecting me with the Most High in the most celestial of manners.  Sure, I could because all of that is true. 

But it's hard to deal with and it's annoying.

Yes.  It's true.  It's annoying.

Ummm.. Yuck. I'll pass.

I hear--quite often--from Black girls with weaves how they would "do so much with it" if they had my hair.  What would they do, ruin it?  Put all the weave glue, dye, perm, paint, shellack, and floor varnish in it?  My hair is healthy because I don't put any of that crap in it.  It's growing long because I don't bother it.  I water it and leave it alone.

The natural hair sistas will ask how long I've been growing it.  I say since 10/07, they say it should be longer by now.  I say I never knew we were running a race.  It's not that big a deal to me.  I don't have notches on my doorway to gauge the length.  No.  It's not that serious.

So why get the blow and flat iron, but no perm if my hair is soooo annoying and difficult?   Well, first, I like the versatility.  I get to look like Diana Ross at various stages of her career with this head of hair.  Not that it's a goal, but it's pretty friggen awesome when I hear it!  When I wear it out, it's so big, fluffy, and beautiful.  Really makes a statement. I do think to dye it because I don't feel it's black enough.  I want it super Black, like midnight during an eclipse kinda Black.  Like Wesley Snipes on the pavement kinda Black.  If I do it, I gotta make sure it's something that won't change the texture of my hair.  I want to have more children in the future, and that means I won't poison my body every six weeks with any chemical foolishness.  Because while my hair is SOOOOO annoying, I won't sacrifice it to the Revlon.  I won't drown it in the Drano. (you DO know that relaxers have the same pH as Drano, right?  Ok, moving on...). 

I guess I'm supposed to say "I don't want to look like a white woman, I'm proud of my Blackness," but white people were not the first people on Earth, and certainly not the first to have straight hair.  Plus, my peoples are Chinese so I'm getting in touch with my Asian roots (so to speak).  And I like it when it flies in the wind.  Honestly.  I think it looks awesome.  My daughter likes wearing her hair out sometimes and hers flies.  She's Black, but her hair is straight.  She's not any less Black because of it.  We don't have those kind of identity issues.

No, I just have a big head of hair that's really thick, really "hard to manage" and I won't use any euphemisms to make it sound better.  No one wakes up to do my hair every morning for me, so I can do whatever the hell I want with it.  I can put it in pin curls to work so it won't fall, I can do the Pat Riley slickback ponytail, I can chop it all off in a second because summer's coming and the Caesar's calling.  The rebellious child in me likes it messy the most.  I can do whatever I want because I'm fly, just like every other woman with confidence.  If you think that makes me a sell out, maybe you should evaluate your own hair issues.  Not every Afro covers the head of a righteous radical soldier, and behind every perm is not a self-hating shrew.  I'm just me, being me.  Enjoy being you.